Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
