We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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