So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
