I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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