i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
