why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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