The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
