I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
