Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
