I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
