Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize