Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
