I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
