i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
