im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
