just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
