it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
