Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
