mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
