the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize