all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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