I just threw up on my dentist
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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