I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
