Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
