he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
