That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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