you guys were way drunker than both of me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
