i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
