I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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