Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
