My balls are so social today.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
