She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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