No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
