I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage