Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
