Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon