All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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