1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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