Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
