Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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