just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
