you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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