so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
