i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My vagina is officially offended.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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