We named our party play list daddy issues
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
