You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
