i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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