i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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