It's like God shit irony all over that family
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
