we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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