Screwed.edu
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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