vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
