I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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