I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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