I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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