They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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