i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
COCAINE IS GR8
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
