well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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