You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
