Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
